Loughra the King page 2


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Cova the poisoned Alill and declared himself king.

There remained the matter of what to do with Loughra. Loughra was still a young boy. It was against ancient Celtic law to kill a child who was somehow defective. Evidently it was OK to kill your brother or your nephew. But Cova had to spare Loughra.

To insult Loughra forever, Cova forced Loughra to eat the heart of his grandfather, Leary

And to eat the heart of his father, Alill.

And to eat a live mouse.

I'm not sure which these were the most disgusting to Loughra. What do you think?

He then exiled Loughra, and Loughra and his mother moved to Brittany in northern France. I am certain that Loughra much preferred the French cuisine.

Loughra and his mother spent three decades in Brittany.

While still a child, though, Loughra played a game of hurling with other Brittany lads. He was hit in the shins by a stick, and he cried out. History doesn't record what he said, but it was probably something like - "Oh Shit."

Someone at the game shouted out "He Speaks", which in the language of the region is pronounced "Loughra".

That is how Loughra acquired his name. I have no idea what Loughra's name was before he got hit with a hurling stick. Maybe he was not only speechless, he was nameless.

When Loughra grew to a young man, he was tall and strong and handsome. But he had one physical deformity. He had huge ears. Elephant huge ears. Loughra hid his enormous ears by growing his hair long. His long hair hid the elephant ears.

Once each year, Loughra needed a haircut. The barber, of course, soon discovered the elephant ears hidden beneath the long hair. So as soon as the barber finished trimming Loughra's hair, Loughra killed the barber. This way, no one would know about his enormous ears.

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